Crunch

I stubbed my toe hard on Saturday morning. Really put a dent in the day's plans; we were all set to take a beautiful hike up on Mt. Hood. Blast that god-damned chair. We went up anyway, and I did not make it very far into the woods with my pulsating broken foot (it felt broken, at least). It made me really crabby all weekend long and the lady & I got into all sorts of terrible fights.

Many tears. Some yelling. All stupid.

So it's Monday, I'm at work, I'm enormously cranky and unsettled.

I think I need to figure out how not to drink. It exacerbates my depression and makes everything seem so epically dense and tragic. It makes my highs higher, and my lows lower. I need a little seratonin stabilization or I am going to rip this world a new one.

100 deep breaths per day.

*

I really like watching M.M. set stuff up in the apartment.  I'm consistently charmed by how smart and capable she is.

Lesbian homemakers, reluctantly.

Facebook Abuse and Stale Donuts.

Thank God, it's Friday.

M.M. lives with me; we live together, and it's smooth so far.  We had a brief disagreement over the placement of a corner shelf, but after some alone time, we got over it.

Walked to the carts at Greeley and Killingsworth,  had fat korean noodles.  Ate chocolate croissants and said hello to a chub-tailed young black cat.  Bought $6.00 rainbow beer, walked across a freeway, felt sunset, felt Friday, felt change and the holy winds up inside of my heart like a sad weeping song.

I've decided to live with the easel in the living room, after all.  I was going to put it in storage; I haven't used it in months.  But I was having some sort of intense separation anxiety... I'm 30; putting something away now has the significance of "okay.  I'm out of time on that.  I will never do that again."  Really!  You think I jest?  I do not!  I know that I'm just a baby, but I am scared.  I have too much unfinished business on my plate and it feels like some stuff will inevitably have to fade away for me to find focus.  I do not want my painting to be one of things, after all.